In 1895, over 100 years ago, there was once a water amusement park in what is now Upper Haight named " The Chutes ", featuring a 60' water slide, a model railroad, a zoo, and daring stunts performed by daredevils of the time. Upper Haight, accessible by cable car in those days, was the perfect destination for children of all ages.
only got better with time; as years passed, they added a theater, hot air balloon rides, and many other family-friendly attractions. By 1902, sadly, the Chutes had become too large for the Upper Haight, and was rebuilt in what is now the Inner Richmond, then, following a disastrous fire, partially rebuilt out near Ocean Beach.
The Rehydrate the Haight Movement thinks that it would be wonderful to honor our San Francisco history by rebuilding The Chutes, turning what has become a gaudy, disjointed, hodge-podge neighborhood trying desparately to cling to some vague, ill-formed nostalgia for the Late Sixties "Summer of Love", back into a tourist destination that would be fun for entire families to visit, without the fear of parents having to explain what "head shops" are, or the negative effects of crystal methamphetamine on teenage runaways to children too young to understand such phenomenon.
If you've visited Upper Haight since the mid 1980s, you've likely seen what this neighborhood has become, and it isn't a pleasant thing to witness. Between having to watch where you step for fear of inadvertently putting your feet into human excrement, or having to avoid altercations with scruffy Marin teens, high on unknown "street pharmaceuticals", anxious for conflict with adults who, in their minds, represent the parents they ran away from, you've seen what happens to a neighborhood when it lacks direction and purpose.
There are those out there who romanticize the dying embers of the so-called "Hippie Counterculture" , but the reality of that counter-culture is that it has long been coopted by consumerism.
The Hippies of the late 60s and early 70s are now retiring bankers and businesspeople. The corner of Haight and Ashbury is no longer the epicenter of the Civil Rights movement, so much as it is a place where pot tourists can buy bongs, or stand in line for a pint of Ben and Jerry's.
Until fairly recently, there was a Gap on the South-East corner of that famous intersection, offering khakis and pastel-colored t-shirts to consumers, which was more recently replaced with RVCA, ostensibly another Gap pretending to have some artistic edge, but ultimately engaging in the same crass commercialization of selling garments made in the developing world to citizens of the post-industrial world.
That dream died an unceremonious death, and things are going to get worse, so much worse, before they get better. If the pandemic has shown us anything, it is that we will go to any length necessary to avoid looking in the mirror at our consumption habits, and these days those consumption habits are entirely dependent on cheap Chinese manufacturing. The balance of power may shift, the availability dries up, and suddenly we find ourselves unable to perpetually amuse ourselves with our "scrollfinger". That's when we'll want an Amusement Park. And we'll want it badly. Those times are coming. And the time to build this park is before they get here.
While we, in spirit, agree with the Revolutionize Haight movement, we think it is more important to honor the older historic precedent of the Haight, rather than the shameful sell-out delusions of the Hippie movement. Moreover, we feel it is more important for us to prepare for the return of hard times with no consumer electronics combined with low cost high bandwidth internet connectivity, and look to more traditional means of amusement; Amusement Parks.
Upper Haight has seen hard times before, and it shall surely see them again, but it can once again become a center for relaxation and family fun, the way it was back in good old 1895. Help us turn back the clock!
We can be ready for these hard times; ready to ignore them in new ways! Ways that don't require internet access and cheap microelectronics! Log flumes! Lazy river tube float paths! Safari raft rides through Golden Gate Park's relocated San Francisco Zoo and Free Range Wild Dog Preserve (GGPSFZ-FRWDP)!
The plan that Rehydrate the Haight suggests is a simple four-phase plan:
The pandemic has changed the world, and made certain things very clear; we can allow the future to control us, or we can control the future. Now is the time to demand excellence of the Upper Haight. Now is the time to avert this historic land of amusement's path away from its decades-long dive into destruction.
Now it's up to us to REHYDRATE THE HAIGHT !
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